An old shack in Leicester Square, London.
Not the discount theatre ticket shack, a different one.
Suddenly, two lonely figures emerge from the flipping cold outside.
Oh, get in.
It's so cold, my nipples have fallen off.
Oh, I've got one of them here.
Do you want it back?
I'll pop it back on, thanks.
There we are.
It's arctic monkeys out there.
Oh, we'd better light some sort of a fire.
Yeah, quick.
Look, isn't that wood over there?
Yeah.
What about all those listeners out there?
All the thousands of listeners.
Can they come in too?
Oh, I was thinking you wanted to burn them.
No, no, I wouldn't.
Well, no, I wouldn't want to burn the listeners.
Let them in.
Come on, listeners.
Come on.
Here you come.
Look, we've got a stove.
Here, stuff that.
what appears to be wood in the stove the stove yeah there we go oh there we go oh i think that's right pop it in there oh pop those uh some matches thanks there you go oh let's get ourselves warmed hey oh no those weren't logs they were fireworks that's insane put them out it's like a chinese christmas are we on them
Shouldn't have weed on that one.
What's in your weed?
Have you been drinking meths again?
Yeah, some explosive.
Some meth.
It's better it's calming down now.
Well, hey, Merry Christmas Eve.
I'm just going to light a proper fire now.
And Merry Christmas Eve to you, listeners.
Once again we're with you for two hours here on a Saturday afternoon on Christmas Eve 2005 with a special festive edition of the Adam and Joe radio show here on XFM London's 104.9 so stick with us for the next couple of hours and we'll be warming your cockles and you know jingling your bells I'm sticking on some Christmas music and all those other terrible cliches that happen at Christmas
I don't think clawing your Santa is a cliche.
People use that all the time, especially Mrs. Claus when she's getting it on in the Christmas shack.
So we've got all sorts of excitements for you coming up in the next couple of hours.
We'll be playing a festive edition of Ditties in the Dock.
We're not going to have a competition because, you know, Christmas isn't about competitions, is it, Adam?
No, Christmas is about admitting that everyone is equal.
Everyone's a winner in the eyes of Jesus and Santa or, you know, whoever else you worship.
I tell you what we will be doing, though, because myself and Joe will be at... Joe and I. Joe and I... I can say myself and Joe, can't I?
Anyway, we'll be at our family houses tomorrow, so we're gonna have to do our present giving today.
That's gonna be exciting.
I've got three presents for Adam.
They're wrapped up in special paper, and he's got no idea what they are.
I had four presents for you, but I opened one of them, and I can show you what it is right now.
Why?
Hang on, I don't want to see it.
Why did you open it?
It's rapid again.
No, because I didn't think it was very good and I was right.
I just tasted one of them.
Well, wrap them up again.
Look, it's some nut munch from Pret A Munch.
What sort of a present is that?
I thought you'd laugh at the fact that it was called nut munch.
Nut munch?
Yeah.
Well, you were right.
I did.
There you go.
Look, do you want some nut munch?
No, thanks.
I don't really like... What is it?
Like nuts and toffee?
It's nuts... Yeah, it sounds good, doesn't it?
Nuts with honey covering and golden syrup.
Maybe if I put some toffee on my nuts, someone would munch them.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.
That's not very Christmassy either, is it?
You're bringing down the most holy show of all.
Basically, at Christmas, everything we find funny is not allowed.
yeah okay well should we play some music yeah what are we gonna hear let's start with one of your choices joe this is uh run dmc hey this is a great uh bit of christmas christmas hip-hoppery this is what happens in the hood at christmas well 20 years ago according to run dmc this is christmas in hollis
Wow, that's quite primitive hip-hop, isn't it, that one?
Well, it's old.
Oh, where's your mic?
Hello.
There we go.
It's very old hip-hop from prehistoric times.
Wow.
When they had to be, you know, quite simple and to the point because of the threat of dinosaur attack.
Yeah.
But there we go.
During the show, we'll be listening to some other little-known Christmas classics by offbeat bands.
Not necessarily offbeat bands, but bands who you wouldn't maybe expect to enjoy Christmas.
Like Run DMC, they're constantly...
Actually, one of them's passed away, haven't they?
One of them's enjoying Christmas in Heaven.
Yeah, well, there we go.
That's the best place for Christmas, really.
Yeah, you'd imagine so, wouldn't you?
With the number one guy.
It's gotta be amazing.
Imagine the size of a tree.
Yeah, imagine the kind of presents you get.
You get everything that you wanted.
Christmas in Heaven.
Imagine the competition amongst the angels to be the one who sits on top of the tree.
I bet there's a lot of bitching and infighting.
And can you imagine what the TV is like?
Oh, heavenly.
Little Britain, all the time.
Brilliant.
And Only Fools and Horses.
Yeah.
And James Bond movies, round the clock.
Which would be your favorite?
I wonder what Jesus' favorite James Bond movie is.
Spy Who Loved Me.
Correct.
Let's move on.
Why?
Because it's got love in it?
Because it's... Quite literally Jesus.
Submarine.
Jesus likes submarines.
He loves submarines.
Well, there you go.
You learn little known religious facts.
Here on the Adam and Jo Christmas radio show on XFM London's 104.9.
Officially London's most Christmassy radio station.
Really?
Yeah.
Exciting stuff.
So is it time for me to give you a present, Adam?
Oh man, I was wondering who was going to be the first one.
If you've just tuned in, Adam and I are giving each other our Christmas presents early.
We've been out and bought them specially, wrapped them up.
So I'm going to give Adam his first present now live here on the radio.
I'm going to scoot it across the desk.
The big Prezi, Prezi number one.
Now talk us through what you're feeling and thinking as you open your Christmas present, because of course this is the experience that everyone out there is going to be having tomorrow.
So it'll be an exciting time to anticipate some of those thrills of present opening.
Well, you know, the older you get, the less presents you get.
I don't know how it is in your house, but that's the way it works in our house at the moment.
And now that I've got children as well, you know, most of the fun is in giving them things.
So I don't really expect that much in return.
So it's really fantastic to get this.
And are you a rattler?
Yeah, definitely.
I'm a bit of a rattler.
I'm rattling this now.
Describe it to the listeners what sort of a shape it is, what you think it might be.
It's CD shaped and... You think it might be a CD?
Well no, it's a bit thin to be a CD.
It might be a CD single.
Hey, maybe it's a rubbish CD.
No.
Why would you get me a rubbish one?
Why?
Why, why, why, why, why?
Shall I open it?
Open it up.
Here we go.
Are you a paper ripper offer or do you just open a little corner and have a peek?
No, I rip it.
I rip it right off because I get very frustrated when other people, like my dad, I know, I think we've talked about this last year, but my dad just unwraps everything.
Like he peels every bit of sellotape off and then he irons the paper.
Okay, here we go.
What have I got?
This is
this is a CD and it says a day in the life of Adam and it seems to be a homemade thing or at least it's come out of some kind of machine it says personalized songs for kids from www.myfirstsongs.com hey don't plug them before we've heard them well what are they basically it's a CD of songs about a day a happy day and it's personalized so they're all songs about Adam so we can play one
in the show maybe.
Are you going to play one now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And tell us what the titles of some of the songs are.
This is a good present, isn't it?
I've got you.
Isn't it a good present?
Where did you find this?
I'm not telling.
Some of the titles are Wakey Wakey, Count and Sing, Let's Share, Colours of the World, Wiggle Woggle, Animal Madness, Manners Please, and Dream Time.
Well, let's play Manners Please, because your manners are a bit slipshod.
That's true.
And I think we need to hear a personalised song about manners for Adam.
Um, wouldn't it be better just to play bad manners?
Okay, no, here we go.
This is, um, Manners, Please, from my present from Joe.
Oh, that's good stuff already.
It's for kids.
Manners are important, we need them every day.
When's she gonna sing Adam?
Adam, do you know them?
Let's sing it once again.
Manners are important, we need them every day.
Okay
Nice harmony going on there.
Well, you know what?
Hang on, fade it down a second.
I'm a bit disappointed because there was a whole rack of these.
You can get them for anybody's name.
So the poor people who've done it have obviously sung all these songs a thousand times, putting a different name in.
But she's been a bit lazy because she's not rhyming Adam with anything.
She's putting Adam at the beginning of the line.
It'd be much more impressive if she put it at the end.
Well, that would just be impossible.
Well, then it would be worth $9.99.
Yes!
That's a good present, man.
Thanks a lot.
I'm interested to hear Wiggle Woggle.
Maybe we'll play wiggle-woggle a bit later on.
There you go.
Let's play some more music right now.
Uh, this is- Manners, Adam.
Sorry, sorry.
Please, can we- Please, may I- Please, may I hear some more music from this year?
Yes, you may.
Um, please, may I play one of the top tracks, uh, from one of the new coming bands of- Is it Arctic Monkeys?
It's the Monkeys!
Oh, it's getting a bit warmer now.
Why did you make that noise?
That was a little fast.
I've got a tiny trumpet up my bum.
Brilliant stuff.
That was the Arctic Monkeys with I Bet You Look Good on the dance floor.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM on Christmas Eve in our warm snug hut.
And we got a snug hut and it's in the middle of Leicester Square.
Right next to, but not in, the ticket shack.
Really?
Half-price ticket shack, yeah.
Next to London's most expensive fun fair.
Man, they've had a lot of premieres in this square this year, haven't they?
It's been a brilliant year for premieres in Leicester Square.
They've had the King Kong one.
Was there a King Kong premiere?
Yeah!
I wasn't even aware of that.
It was a couple of weeks ago.
Did you go?
No.
Oh.
Did Jack Black go?
Yes.
Oh, I love Jack Black.
He's a good guy.
I saw him on Jonathan Ross a few weeks ago and I thought he was fantastic.
I've chatted with him, I've met him.
Have you?
Yeah, the Black.
When did you meet Black?
After a tenacious gig.
Did you go and meet Black?
Yeah, I went up and chatted to him, shook his hand.
No.
Yeah, I know people who know Jack Black very well.
Wow.
So can we talk about something else?
Something interesting?
Yeah.
OK.
Only joking.
No, he's brilliant, Jack Black.
He's a funny guy.
And I'm looking forward to the Tenacious D movie.
Oh, yeah.
One of the things coming up next year called The Pick of Destiny.
Right.
Got an exciting plot.
They look at photos of all the great rock legends that have ever lived, and they notice they're all using the same guitar pick.
So they realise that somewhere out there, there's a magical guitar pick.
That's great.
Has it got anything to do with Mike White?
No, but it's got something to do with Liam Lynch, who people, who regular listeners might know.
Liam Lynch, the sort of lo-fi musician and video maker, has directed it.
He's a kind of Weird Al Yankovic for the noughties, isn't he?
Well said, absolutely.
But more, more cutting edge.
Are you all right, man?
Are you getting rich today?
I'm a little, there's a bit of a draft coming in from, from under the door.
Or is that a tramp coming in under the door?
It's a, it's a tramp who's been drafted.
It's a stream of wee.
from a reveler in Trafalgar Square.
From some students.
Leicester Square.
Well, listen, we're going to have to take a quick break for some adverts.
That's how we pay the rent around here, man.
It's nothing to do with me.
Just get off my back about it, why don't you, all right?
But we'll be back very, very shortly with some more fantastic music from this year and more presents and more Christmas cheer.
Stick with us.
This is XFM.
Oh, yes.
That was, uh, go on, appropriate, you were gonna say.
Appropriate, yeah.
Yeah, cos it was by hot, hot heat, and we've got a very hot, hot, hot, hot fire going in our little shack.
We've got some hot fire, we've got some hot sounds, we've got Booker T and the MGs playing over there in the corner.
Brilliant.
On the stereo.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe, here on XFM, London's 104.9, it's Christmas Eve, and you join us in our little shelter shack in, uh...
Leicester Square.
Yeah, we've been kicked out of the Capitol building because I don't know, Richard Blackwood was there.
He got angry with us and he threw us out.
So we're having to do the show from the shack.
But listen, Joe, it's time for me to give you a present now.
Oh, this is exciting.
Adam and I giving each other our Christmas presents today because we won't see each other tomorrow.
And I've already given Adam a special CD of personalized songs.
Yeah, man, you set the bar pretty high with this.
Well, I opened with a strong one.
Yeah.
But let's see whether you can match it.
I don't think I can, anyway.
Well, don't say that.
All right.
Here you go.
Hope you like it.
Oh, chucking it over the desk there.
Oh, it's beautifully wrapped.
Thanks, man.
What's this design on the wrapping paper?
Is it chip fat?
It seems to be chip fat.
That's very innovative.
It's a beard rule.
And you've wrapped it in an interesting way.
You've sort of just scrunched the ends and flattened them and sellotaped it.
Are you not a good wrapper?
Usually I am.
I was a little bit rushed today.
But no, usually I'm pretty attentive with my rapping.
It's exciting.
Oh, you know, I've glimpsed a naughty glimpse.
I've unwrapped the top corner listeners and I've seen the cheeky eye of that cheeky crazy frog, the number one cultural icon of the year, 2000.
Oh, he's chuckling with joy.
Where's his Willy?
He's got a Willy man.
No, he hasn't.
He does.
No, there's no Willy.
Are you sure?
Are you sure it's the real Crazy Frog?
It's the key ring you've got.
I mean, it's the sound key ring.
Oh, I see, and there's no Willy on that.
There's no Willy on that one, because you can get the key ring that's... It's making you chuckle all over again, isn't it?
It's so annoying.
I'm going to open it up.
That was just the press me thing.
Yeah.
You know, that you can press in the shop.
You don't even have to buy it to hear that.
Brilliant.
Well, Adam, that's really nice.
Thanks, mate.
It's to remind you of 2005.
Well, yeah, exactly.
And in the future, I mean, it'll age very well, won't it?
It'll go through a ten to fifteen thousand year period of being worthless.
Yeah.
And then after the fifteen thousand years has passed, it'll slowly start gaining value.
Yeah.
One pence.
in the year 4000 yeah gradually climbing up to 20 pence i've got some uh by the time the earth freezes over i've got some peter andre well i've got such an urge to smash it you can smash it if you want can i smash it i think the listeners uh would like me to smash it can smash it it would be quite cathartic wouldn't it for the end of the year yeah you know cause a crazy frog
Is it breaking?
Wait a second.
I don't think it's breaking.
It's really well made.
Oh, no, it's broken.
Now I'm actually quite sad.
What a lunacy.
Oh, it's broken.
Come back, crazy frog.
Oh, I think I've cut my hand as well.
Are you sure it's broken?
Are you sure the batteries just haven't fallen out?
Well, you try and make it work.
Oh, that was quite cathartic, wasn't it, listeners?
What a way to end the year by smashing the crazy frog.
Yeah, I was going to say that I've got some... I don't think you have smashed it.
I know you have.
I'm sorry, man, that's no- it's a very, very lovely present.
That's okay, no, I understand it.
Listen, it was the catharsis that I was hoping to, uh, give you.
Yeah, it was the gift of smashing the crazy frog.
The gift of catharsis.
That was good.
I was gonna say that I've got some Peter Andre, um- So annoying.
Perfume, uh, aftershave, rather, and it's- Have you got it on?
Insania, uh, aftershave.
I've got a bottle of that at home, I was just wondering- Are you serious?
Yeah.
I've got, um... Why didn't you give me that?
Because it's not from this year.
What do you think Peter Andre smells like?
Well, if he smells anything like his Insania aftershave, he smells like dried wee wee.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I can imagine that's probably quite accurate.
So... Well, thanks a lot, man.
And, you know, um, I hope everyone out there listening gets really good presents tomorrow.
Presents as good as that.
As the crazy frog hero.
It's nice to be given something just a break.
yeah exactly um okay right here's some more music right now this is one of my favorite tracks from the year this is from i guess pretty much my favorite band crazy frog world it's from crazy uh and it's crazy frog covering a track by spoon a crazy frog people you know people thought crazy frog was a novelty but he's ditched the whole frog thing
What's he doing now?
Covering a track by Spoon.
Oh yeah, exactly.
Sorry.
Yeah.
He's covering a track by Spoon from Spoon's album Gimme Fiction, which in my book was one of the albums of the year.
I don't think it's popped up in that many polls, but I still love it.
And this is a track where they never got you.
This is Adam and Joe on Christmas Eve from our shack in Leicester Square.
The Mighty Spoon from Gimme Fiction.
That's a track called They Never Got You.
Hey, you know, seeing as we're in our shack on Christmas Eve in Leicester Square, we don't have all our jingles and stings.
No, exactly.
What are we gonna do?
Well, we could improvise some jingles and stings.
Yeah, but the XFM jingles have got such tude.
They do have a lot of tude.
I've noticed that.
Yeah.
It's like...
It's like the people that make them don't care.
Or they certainly wouldn't want to be seen to be caring because that wouldn't be cool.
No, exactly.
Sometimes it sounds as if they've just accidentally caught a snatch of rock and roll happening in the next room.
Yeah.
Purely by accident.
Yeah.
Could we pull off that kind of thing?
we can have a try let's try listen i've got a jack johnson song to play right this is one of the tracks from this year sitting waiting and wishing is the name of the track so let's try and do some kind of appropriate segue into that oh we want we want to try and do a sting now yeah yeah yeah okay here we go that's perfect
Christmas.
Thank you very much.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Oh, man.
I love Christmas.
Yeah, I sincerely love Christmas.
Do you?
Yeah, I really do.
It's one of my favorite times of year.
That's very nice.
Hello, listeners.
It's Adam and Joe on XFM.
We're in our little shack in the middle of Leicester Square if you've just joined us.
And Adam's just telling us how much he loves Christmas.
Do you not love it?
Yeah, I do love Christmas.
The only thing I don't like about Christmas is the Oxford Street lights and the way they themed them to some movie that isn't even out for months and months.
What is it this year?
It's Ice Age 2.
Is it?
Yeah.
It's not out till the summer.
Yeah.
I mean, it seems supremely cynical in a really depressing way to have.
Oh, Santa wouldn't have that.
If Santa came back...
Uh, I'll tell you what he'd do.
What?
He'd get a machine gun, and he'd machine gun those lights down.
Would he?
Yes, he would.
Because they're the wrong thing at Christmas.
Yeah.
It would be a festive machine gun, don't get me wrong.
Imagine all the kids who saw that.
Well... Santa with a machine gun gunning down the lights, would they understand?
Kids love Ice Age 2.
He'd explain there'd be a podium with a microphone so that Santa could get up after he'd gunned down the lights and he'd say, listen, it's nothing against Ice Age 2.
I've not got to be... I don't think the council would let him use a machine gun in Oxford Street, not with people out Christmas shopping.
Santa?
What if a bullet ricocheted and killed a child?
Then Santa would have murdered a child.
What would happen to Christmas?
What would happen to Christianity?
Santa's the figurehead, isn't he, of Christianity?
Yes, he's got a lot to do with Christianity.
The passion of the Santa.
But listen, he... Why doesn't Mel Gibson make a really bloody and violent film about the reality of Santa?
That would be good.
Hey, did you like the bit in Narnia where Santa turns up and he's... That was odd, wasn't it?
And he gave the children weapons.
Yeah.
A knife, a bow and arrow.
And did you like the fact that in his sack, you got to see inside Santa's sack?
Which is obviously funny, that's amusing.
But in Santa's sack,
There are some magic weapons, which he gives to the children to encourage them to kill.
And this is the feature film of Chronicles of Narnia you're talking about.
That's right.
And there's also a load of really rubbish looking teddies.
Really?
Did you see that?
Yeah.
Teddy for you.
Teddy for you.
Gun for you.
Teddy for you.
He's got about six or seven bad looking teddies that have probably been bought from a bad toy shop.
And he's got these magical weapons that look as if they've been hewn from magical steel.
Wow.
But, um, that's all they could think of to put in the toy sack.
Uh, the makers of Narnia was teddy.
That, for me, summed up the lack of magic about the entire project.
You didn't- Adam Buxton didn't like the Chronicles of Narnia at all.
I thought it was stinky.
I preferred Harry Potter and his fiery goblets.
What would you say was your film of the year, Adam?
I'm really, really glad you asked me that, Joe.
um i think i've just written down a few of the ones that i could remember yeah i'll read well that's an interesting guide you know which ones can you actually remember yeah exactly how about that i didn't my list wasn't very long of ones that sprang to mind harry potter and the goblin of fire liked it uh war of the worlds
Really pretty much enjoyed it, watched it on DVD.
40 year old Virgin, got the DVD, haven't watched it yet.
Sideways, I would say so far that's my top film out of the ones that I read.
I mean it really made an impression on me.
I know it's a sort of boring, guardian, cliche, great movie but I thought it was a smash.
Crash with all those people in it.
I never saw that.
people raved about it i know that's why i didn't see it an absolute disgrace um dig the movie about the dandy war holes right uh that was pretty fun i rented that out switched it off it was boring alien versus predator was that yet this year uh i don't know at nine songs
Mmm.
Dirty.
Dirty.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
That was a good one.
That was a good one.
Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith, Disgrace.
Disgrace.
Batman Begins, pretty good.
League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse.
Wow, this is really thorough.
The Island.
It's like I'm dying, having flashbacks.
These are the ones I can remember, and the last one I can remember was Life Aquatic, which was one of your favourite ones.
Yeah, that was this year, wasn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Very good.
Well, what a great year for movies.
What a terrific year for the silver screen.
But come on, Sideways was good.
Even despite the- Sideways was good, yeah.
Even despite the boring liberal trendy vote.
Yeah, it was good, definitely good.
I met him this year, Thomas Aidan Church.
Shook his hand, had a little chat.
He didn't care who I was.
He was the big hunky one in it.
Yeah, he's playing the villain in the new Spider-Man film.
Uh, now I'm gonna get his name wrong.
The Sandman, I think he's called.
Oh yeah.
That was from your exciting trip to L.A.
with Edgar.
Oh, my trip to L.A.
when I went on the Spider-Man 3 set, yeah.
Was that one of your highlights of the year?
Yeah, probably, yeah.
Probably.
It was an exciting trip.
Hard to beat that.
What was your movie of the year then?
Oh man, I'd have to think really hard.
Uh, it's probably, uh, Caché by Michael Hanukkah.
European director, Hanukkah.
Cachet?
Yeah, Cachet is French for hidden.
It's a searing drama about, uh, oh, so much.
It was certainly very well hidden from me.
Well, it hasn't come out yet.
Oh, is it not?
No.
Well, you're not allowed it, then.
Well, Adam, I live in a different world when it comes to movies.
I'm way ahead of everybody else.
Is it Raving Ponceville?
No, it's really good.
It's really good.
Anyone with a brain?
Yeah.
That rules me out.
Uh, should see it.
Oh, it's brilliant.
OK, more music from the year.
This is another track from an album that I really loved this year.
This is by Eels, and it's from their album, Blinking Lights.
Is it just called Blinking Lights, or is it called Blinking Lights and something else?
Anyway.
Blinking Lights.
Blinking Lights.
This is a track called Losing Streak, and after that, I think we're due for some more presents, aren't we?
Oh, another present.
That's got a kind of a Christmassy feel to it.
Oh, anything with a little horn in it is very Christmassy.
I was Eels with Losing Street.
You're listening to Adam and Joe.
We're broadcasting from our Christmas shack this Christmas Eve in the middle of Leicester Square.
Oh, hey, happy Christmas, listeners.
Yeah, happy Christmas.
Thanks so much for listening to our show this year.
We've really had a good time on XFM this year.
And I don't know how much longer we're going to be around.
I hope for a while.
Why?
Because we might be killed.
We might be killed.
The world might end.
The polar ice caps are melting.
I don't know if you've heard.
What?
There's some fairly extreme weather going down on planet Earth.
Right.
And it's not looking very good.
So, you know.
I hope we're going to be around.
It's kind of depressing but we're going to try and push that to one side for another hour or so.
So we've been giving each other our Christmas presents, listeners, which is obviously exciting on the radio because it means you have to describe them and you can hear the sound of presents being opening which is evocative and exciting because tomorrow morning
little hands are going to be opening presents all over the country speaking of little hands can i just add an addendum to what i was just saying sorry to interrupt joe but um i just want to say to any any children listening uh don't worry the world isn't ending i was just kidding i was just remembering a time one afternoon when it was really horrible weather when i was about
six years old or something.
And it was really extreme wet weather and wind and rain and stuff.
And my dad made a joke about, oh my God, the world's ending.
And I was totally freaked out.
I just was absolutely mortified.
I thought, no, the world can't be ending.
But then why would dad be saying it's ending?
And I just couldn't speak for about a day or something.
And I just kept on sobbing until he established what the problem was.
And then he assured me that the world wasn't imminently ending.
And I felt a lot better.
Wow.
So, sorry about that.
I just wanted to reassure our younger listeners.
Okay, Prezi time.
Do you want this next present, Adam?
Yeah.
Are you ready for it?
Yes.
Okay, here we go.
I'm going to throw it over the desk as well, either side of the desk.
Hey, hey, hey.
Just describe to the listeners what it looks like, what it feels like.
Well, I'm pretty sure this is a DVD.
Okay, Adam is a rattler.
We've already established that.
He rattles.
Does he feel?
yeah yeah but I mean there's not there's only so much feeling you can do with a DVD isn't it depends on your fingers what do you mean it depends you can just squeeze the box there's a lot of your if you're blind and you've received a Braille DVD then you could read the title through the wrapping paper so don't be so a braille baby okay I'm gonna
love getting DVDs cuz Joe everybody loves DV okay what sort of a movie do you think I've got you I think you've got me either a monkey film yeah or a filthy film yeah or or or both okay so see my open it up open it up I hope it's a dirty monkey film
You've got me a Christmas film.
It's a Christmas film.
What's it called?
It's called Christmas Wonderland.
What's the picture on the front?
It seems to be a drawing of a black guy who's made himself look white and glued a white beard on.
That's what it looks like to me.
Really?
Let's have a look.
Oh, it's a picture of Santa.
It's just a big close up of Santa.
And now read us the back, Adam.
It's a film called Christmas Wonderland.
Read us the story.
It's got a synopsis of the story.
OK, and I'll just I'll just say that the the cover looks as if it's been crudely photocopied.
It looks like a pirate, but a pirate of no recognisable film whatsoever.
yeah on the back it says on one occasion not so long ago santa and the elves nearly missed christmas exclamation mark it all began in the toy factory when rumpletum the main boiler fell ill the main boiler fell ill rumbletum the main boiler with valve trouble thus stopping the flow of toys being made to fill okay the toy machine
The Toy Factory broke down.
They get help from the penguins living nearby, but only for one week because King Penguin and his aide Patch are meanies.
All they live off is fish juice and they... What the hell is this film?
It's very involved, isn't it?
All they live off is fish juice and they want the recipe.
Squeak knows the secret.
See how they cope and how Santa has to see 10,000 children before...
Before so much going on by the valve will he managed to get home in time rather rub join us and see oh my goodness There's no stills from the film.
What certificate is it?
It's r18 No, it's a you and so that's a good gift, isn't it?
Certainly, I'm gonna be interested to see what's on it.
Do you think maybe it might be porn?
It could be anything.
I've no idea.
It was one pound 49 Wow
That's unbelievable.
That's a good prezzy.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Listen, man, we're gonna have to take a break.
Thank you so much for Christmas Wonderland.
It means an awful lot to me.
We're gonna have to stoke the fire a little bit as well.
It's going out.
We'll be back very shortly.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
There you go.
That's one of my favorite singles from this year.
Franz Ferdinand with Walk Away.
This is Adam and Jo.
We're in our Christmas shack in Leicester Square this Christmas Eve.
How are you doing there, Jo?
I'm doing just fine.
Thanks a lot.
I'm excited about tomorrow.
Yeah, man.
Are you hoping for anything?
Do you get how does it work?
It's difficult with people like us, isn't it?
Really?
We're very, very wealthy.
We can really afford to buy whatever we want.
It's hard for our loved ones to buy for us.
It's true, isn't it?
What's the best kind of present you can get?
I don't know.
I have to have custom-made things now.
Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it?
I have to have things that take months of planning, like, you know, a new screen for my home cinema.
Right.
Made of lightweight aluminium, the precise aspect ratio that I require.
with some, you know, er, glass fibre particles that reflect light.
Yeah.
Stretched beautifully over a light aluminium frame.
And some, um, 18-year-old dancers to go with it.
Mmm, that would be nice.
Very well trained in dancing.
Yes.
But, yeah, it is tricky, isn't it?
Yeah, it's really difficult.
I don't know what I want for that.
All I've been doing for the last four years is upgrading my iPods.
Crikey.
What a life.
What a life, Joe.
What's it come to?
What does it all mean?
You know, I've discovered... I've discovered a new Christmas track.
Oh, yeah?
And it's by a band I've never heard of called Chumsky.
Did you find it on the internet?
Kind of, yeah.
And I don't know about this band, Chumsky.
I don't know who they are.
I don't know if they might be the least cool band ever.
They might be super cool, cos no-one's ever heard of them.
I don't know how cool it is to name yourself after the, er... After Noam Chomsky, the great... intellectual... subversive thinker.
Er, it's quite cool, isn't it?
Well, it would have been cool about six years ago.
Yeah?
Better than calling yourself Kelly.
Er... who's called Kelly?
Matthew Kelly.
It's better than naming yourself after Matthew Kelly, isn't it?
Oh, yeah, that's true.
But no band has named themselves after Matthew Kelly, have they?
It's only a matter of time.
Is there a band called Kelly?
Uh, no.
If there was, they'd be named after Lorraine Kelly, though, I would think.
Probably, you're right.
But this band, Chomsky, have done rather a nice cover of a famous song by Vince Guaraldi.
You know who Vince Guaraldi is.
Sure, he did the great piano music for Charlie Brown.
For Charlie Brown.
And they're often on over Christmas, those films.
They're my favorite Christmas films, Wake Up in the Morning.
And a Charlie Brown feature film.
Yeah, that's the sound of the adults.
I love those films.
They're so relaxing.
They're very, very reassuring.
The music's so lovely and soft and the pace is so slow.
And the animation is so scratchy and old.
Well, Vince Corral is something of a genius and he did a very famous song called Christmas Time Is Here that features in Charlie Brown's Christmas... I forget what it's called.
It's called...
You know, they've all got weird titles.
They're all questions, aren't they?
Happy Christmas, Charlie Brown.
Yeah, well, they've all got a slight bit of irony in them.
Right.
You know, it's a bit bittersweet, isn't it?
Yeah, well... But you can tell Charlie Brown is not gonna have a happy Christmas if the title is Happy Christmas, Charlie Brown.
He's a loser, isn't he?
He's one of life's great losers.
He'll be happy at the end, but in a bittersweet way.
Yeah.
Anyway, so that's a famous song, and this is a cover of it by this band called Chomsky.
Apologies if they're an awful band and the rest of their outputs are rubbish, but I really love this.
Can we play it?
Yeah, here we go.
It's so quirky.
Father Christmas, it's insane.
It's a good track, isn't it?
I like that.
You know what, that reminds me a little bit of Ben Folds Five.
Ben Folds Five?
Yeah, it's that same sort of college rock feel there, but I like that a lot.
That's a band called Chompsky.
They're from America.
America?
America!
I've heard of America.
A country ruled by the fascist tyrant George Bush.
Is it true in America that when you turn on the taps, only Coca-Cola comes out?
Is it true in America that Harrison Ford drives all the taxis?
Is it true in America that the food is so large that you need a crane to move from one place to another?
Is it true that Americans chew bubblegum all the time?
Is it true that in America the roads are so long that they're huge?
No, that last one's not true.
Hey, this is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9.
It's Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas tomorrow, everybody, yeah.
Yeah!
Now I wish... Sorry, that's sad.
Too feeble.
That was feeble.
Is it present time again?
Maybe it is present time.
I just want to tease a couple of things for the listeners though because we're in the second hour of our show now and at the end of the show we'll be playing Ditties in the Dock as usual and you will have the chance to win basically part of our booty bag.
We've got all sorts of free things that we thought, you know, we haven't given away yet this year.
All kinds of exciting DVDs to win, so you can take your pick out of those, everyone who calls.
And this special Christmas Eve show, the theme of Titties in the Dock is insane Christmas songs.
Good theme.
We did good Christmas songs a couple of weeks ago.
Yeah, that's true.
And we played the White Stripes.
But today it's going to be Insane Christmas Songs, so that's coming up.
And I'm also going to do a little quiz for Adam.
Oh, wow.
I'm going to test you on crap commentary corners.
Oh, good one.
I'm going to play you some classic crap commentary corner clips and you have to see if you can remember what films they came from.
I'm sure I'll be able to quite easily.
As well as being an exciting competition, it's a chance to revisit the funniest clips there.
Fantastic.
Brilliant.
That's all coming up shortly.
But, Joe, would you like a present?
Now this is kind of a, this is a whack.
Hey, you know, man, you've gone a bit distant there on the mic.
Sorry, is that better?
Yeah, that's better.
Well, I was backing off a little bit because I was just going to the corner of the shack to get the present.
Right.
And I've got it now and I feel sort of bad about it.
Not that much thought went into it.
I'm really sorry.
That's OK.
I don't think it's not insulting.
Oh, you nearly knocked over my eggnog.
I'm no good at chucking.
OK.
It's another DVD, folks.
It's another DVD.
This is so exciting.
It's not very well wrapped.
No, it's not.
Very exciting!
We mentioned it early on.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, now.
Well, this isn't very... I'm not even touching it.
Have you already got it?
Oh, I shudder to think where that's been.
Look at the finger marks on it.
It's a DVD of nine songs.
The Michael Winterbottom's Dirty Doodling and Rock film, with, you know... Dirty Doodling?
Dirty Doodling, with a song by a thrusting young band and then a sex act by a thrusting young man.
Realistic doodling.
Yes, crikey, O'Reilly.
No, I missed that at the cinema, but you know what?
Out of all the movies I'd want to get on a second-hand DVD, this would not really be the one.
It does have slightly weird thumb stains on it, as if someone's popped it back in the box with messy fingers.
Oh dear, let's have a look at the actual surface of the disc, because that's the telltale sign.
Yes, wow.
Do you know what, man?
Hand on heart, that is not the case.
Really?
And I defy you or anyone else for that matter.
Well, Adam, if ever the Buxton line is extinct, I think we can get DNA from this DVD and reanimate you like in Jurassic Park.
Not true, and that's not for want of trying.
And is it good, this film?
Well, I'll leave that up to you in your filthy mind.
Really?
She looks quite attractive on the posters.
You wait until you watch the extras.
She will detract herself.
What do you mean, detract herself?
I've never seen that in a dirty car before.
No, I was trying to invent a word, but it went wrong.
She will make herself... Oh, I see.
Unattract herself.
Unattractive.
Yes, detract, yeah.
OK, cool.
That's exciting.
Thank you.
How very Christmassy.
That's really Christmassy.
Santa.
I'm sure Santa's workshop is pumping out copies of nine songs and giving them to kiddies all over the country.
What fun.
I might pop off and watch that now and come back in five minutes.
yeah well well that's very exciting and everybody out there let's hope you get the gift of of a dirty film for christmas what would be the best dirty film that you could receive oh man they're such big questions uh for spontaneous answers the best dirty film i could receive i couldn't describe it you know early afternoon on christmas eve let's get off the subject Adam it's christmas
Christmas is all about filth.
Is it?
Yeah, they don't show any filth on TV nowadays.
Yeah, but I'd say Christmas, out of all the national holidays, was not about filth.
Easter's more about filth.
You know, eggs.
No, I'm just talking absolute rubbish.
I'm sorry.
Are you gonna watch The Grinch tomorrow?
Have you seen The Grinch?
The Grinch?
Is it on tomorrow?
Yeah.
Yeah, I have seen The Grinch, but it made me want to die, so I won't be watching it again.
Oh, really?
I didn't mind it.
No, everything that Reg Howard does, I hate.
Reggie Howard?
Reggie Howard.
I know he's called Ron, but Reg suits him better.
He's done some good things.
No, he hasn't.
Didn't you like Parenthood at all?
Yeah, that's true.
I like Parenthood.
He did Night Shift as well, didn't he?
And Splash.
His early work's good.
He lost it.
Oh, man, the fire's gone out.
What?
Here, stoke it.
Stoke it?
Yeah, go on.
Stoke.
Whoa!
Man.
What are you doing?
I think I put some gasoline on it.
The bottle was labeled water.
Why was I pouring water on it?
Look, fill that bucket.
Yeah.
Pop it out.
Oh, we're going to burn them.
Oh, man.
Jeepers.
OK, we better take an ad break and clean up the studio.
We'll be back shortly.
XFL.
Love music.
Love music.
Love music.
XFM.
This is Adam and Joe on XFM.
It's our Christmas Eve show.
And I'm going to test Adam on some of the crap commentaries we've had this year.
Because there have been some brilliant ones, haven't there?
Absolutely.
Did you start doing this competition this year?
Oh, I don't know.
I think the year before.
Was it?
No, Lyla's saying it's this year.
I don't know.
They all blend into one.
They all blend into one.
Mainly because we only have three.
So this is a chance for regular listeners to test their knowledge and add see how closely you've been listening.
So let's have a listen to crap commentary number one.
What film is this from?
And who's speaking?
Here comes that music.
It's getting exciting now.
Oh, here we go.
It's getting exciting.
Here comes the big music again.
I'm singing again.
Ha ha ha!
So, who's that, Adam?
Do you remember?
Oh, no.
Bum Bum Man.
What was the most Bum Bum film of 2000?
In fact, 2004, I think it was released.
Oh.
Bum Bum Bum, Bum Bum Bum.
It's the producer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got it.
A big action adventure.
Disaster movie.
Yes.
It's the day the water turned into ice blocks.
The Day After Tomorrow, correct.
That is the producer of The Day After Tomorrow, showing us quite why the film sucked as much as it did.
Hey, stop.
Will you stop?
Hey, but it did, didn't it?
I liked it.
Okay, here's another one.
Number two in my top three stupidest ever crap commentaries.
What film is this taken from the commentary track of?
Is that a sentence?
It is now, here we go.
Get hold of that, look.
Bang on, banging, slag.
Just love it though, look, what a film.
Look, look at it, look.
Look, look, what a crack.
One more in the nut.
I love this, look.
Look at this, look.
It's me, look.
Love it, I love it.
Love it, look.
Bowling a bad white, giving it a big one.
Look at the swagger on it, look.
Look at the swagger.
This is bang on this, tingles and everything.
I'm the man, look at the thing and all, look, love it.
Get on with that crash.
I'm the man, look at the thing and all.
Who's that then?
Bish, bash, bosh, wallop, wallop.
Brilliant, look at me.
I don't remember the name of the actor, but I'm pretty sure that's from the Football Factory.
That's correct, the Football Factory.
Danny Dyer is the actor, Nick Love is the director.
And there you go, another insight into their psychology.
You could learn a lot about filmmakers from commentaries, but not necessarily the things that they want you to learn.
Just listening to that gives me the willies, man.
Bish, bash, bosh, look at me, look at the man doing a thing.
Bish, bash.
Brilliant.
I wish I could talk like that.
You should see their new film, The Business.
Incredible.
Is it good?
Oh, well, in some ways, yeah.
Amazing.
I highly recommend it.
OK, here's the number one stupidest crap commentary of all time.
Who is this?
No, yes.
Yeah, stop it.
Ah, oh dear.
Yes.
Stop talking.
Shut up Oh ghostly.
Oh, yes a bit of pouting.
Look at my hair.
You see you see curly nearly Oh now now I'm feeling it.
I'm feeling it and oh, here we are But I'm being very flirty now and take off.
Why does my eyebrow do that?
Oh
Oh, she's angry now.
Come on, it's another extremely attractive woman.
That's all I meant by that, Lila.
Who is that, Adam Buxton?
I would say that is, uh, Keira, uh, Keira Knightley.
Keira Knightley, that's correct.
Britain's foremost young actress.
She's gonna be winning Oscars this year because, uh, or early next year because there's no other, no big female performances because Hollywood's sexist and her performance in Pride and Prejudice may well win her an Oscar.
Which is an extraordinary thing for a girl whose head is full of cotton wool.
What about Rachel Weisz, any constant gardener?
Yeah, she's probably going to be nommed as well.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Oh, my goodness.
But there you go.
That's an insight into what an evening with Keira Knightley would be like.
Wow.
I could tolerate it.
That's a classic collection of commentary.
Hey, thanks, man.
Yeah, you know, I bet she's very nice.
I'm sure she's lovely.
Oh.
Sorry, I'm thinking about it.
thinking about it don't call her is I'm not thinking about I wasn't meaning that I was thinking about something else and I was calling that it she's lovely anyway this isn't this is getting a bit too on Christmas II so let's play some music hey yeah do you know what song really reminds me Christmas is it holiday in Cambodia by the Dead Kennedys no it's juice box by the strokes
Ad, can you be bothered to do this show?
No, not really.
Neither can I.
And that, Joe Cornish, is what they refer to as lady rock.
Lady rock?
Ladies love some rocking, but not too hard, otherwise they'll snap.
Was that Katie Tunstall?
It was.
With Under the Weather?
Yes.
Is she called Katie or KT?
She's called KT.
What do they stand for?
Christmas time with a K. Brilliant.
Well, it's time for Jizzies in the Dark.
It's the part of the show where Joe and myself battle it out to see who gets to play the final song of our two-hour stint here on Christmas Eve in our shack.
And Joe, do you want to go first?
Yeah, as it's Christmas Eve, we've got two Christmas-themed songs, and the theme is demented Christmas songs.
Adam and I have been searching our considerable archives to find the stupidest, most idiotic Christmas songs we can find, and I've discovered yet another nugget.
...from the Star Wars archive.
This is called Christmas in the Stars.
It's sung by C-3PO and R2-D2.
When I say sung, I mean spoken in a prissy robotic voice by Anthony Daniels.
The guy's actually inside C-3PO.
This was released around the time of the first film.
Uh, and it's very stupid.
So this is Lucas-sanctioned ephemera?
This is official Star Wars ephemera, yeah.
Oh my goodness.
Uh, so it's a Christmas song sung by C-3PO and R-72.
What more can I say?
If you want to hear that, call 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine.
What have you got, Ab?
Well, I'm not that confident, uh, this time.
Oh, come on, this is good.
I know what you've got, and this is good.
Yeah, I've got some dogs.
And, uh, the dogs, the dogs are singing.
They're singing dogs.
They're singing...
Jingle Bells.
Dogs singing Jingle Bells.
When I say singing...
Obviously, dogs can't sing.
They can't sing, but it sounds the way that they... The way that the woofings come out.
I'm not laughing because I find singing dogs hilarious.
It's just the lameness of it that makes me laugh.
They made the woofing sound like Jingle Bells.
But listen, you were telling me earlier that this is actually recorded in the 50s, so they actually did go out and find all these dogs that could sing one note each song and then surprise them.
spliced them together.
They recorded some dogs but they changed the pitch.
What more could you want than dogs singing jingling bells?
You think they changed the pitch?
Yeah.
So it's the same work.
There's almost nothing going on about it.
So there we go.
That's it for Diddy's in the Dock this week.
08712221049, vote for dogs singing Jingle Bells or R2D2 and C3PO singing Christmas in the Stars.
What a playoff!
08712221049, call now!
XF Fan.
Love music.
Love XF Fan.
xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm xfm
She smoked you too
Yes, it's time for Ditties in the Dock here in our Christmas shack.
Yes, you're reaching us at the gut-wrenching climax.
We've got five callers on the line and it's the cast of Star Wars C-3PO and R2D2 versus the Singing Dogs.
What an extraordinary Christmas lineup for Ditties in the Dock.
Two songs that surely everybody in the country is desperate to hear.
So Lisa's on line one.
Hello, Lisa.
Hey.
Hey, are you having a nice Christmas Eve?
I am, thanks.
For you guys.
Yeah, we're having a lovely, lovely, lovely one.
Have you wrapped all your prezzies?
Yes, thank God.
What are you giving?
Have you got a boyfriend?
No, I haven't.
I'm single.
Really?
Yeah.
I've saved loads of money this year.
That's shocking.
Were you made single recently?
Um, about six months ago.
Oh, well, that's okay.
He didn't get rid of you.
I mean, I'm assuming that... I'm not assuming that he got rid of you.
Wow.
I'm just saying that it's nice that it didn't all end before Christmas.
Yes.
I'm really not doing well here, am I?
Lisa, I'll just ask you instead, what are you gonna vote for?
Is it gonna be the Singing Dogs or Star Wars?
It's gonna be Star Wars, I'm afraid, Adam.
Of course.
But you're a lady.
Ladies love Star Wars.
They love the robots, the shiny robots.
Yeah.
Ladies love cleaning, and the robots are so clean.
Isn't that right, Lisa?
Yes, go on then, that's right Joe, I'll let you have that one.
Thanks so much for calling and holding on and everything Lisa, we're going to chug along because we're running out of time, but that's one mil to Cornish and we're going to go to Katie on line two.
Hello Katie.
Hello.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you.
Are you feeling all warm and Christmassy?
I am, I've just made some mince pies.
Have you?
Yeah, they're yummy!
You made them from scratch?
Yes, from scratch, of course.
Really?
Why don't you use just like- Katie, you're a fantasist.
I think you're sitting on the pavement- I swear I did, it's not that hard.
Amongst some old plastic bags with a shopping trolley full of cans.
Not even Jamie Oliver can make mince pies just like that, so stop lying.
Katie, what are you voting for?
Singing dogs or singing robots?
Star Wars or Jingle Bells?
The Singing Dogs?
Yeah, absolutely.
Dogs Singing Jingle Bells?
Yeah.
What sort of a woman are you?
She's a very clever one.
She understands that it's the kind of thing she will have never heard before.
Oh, it's so tense on Christmas Eve.
It's one all to start, one to Star Wars, one to the Singing Dogs.
Thanks a lot, Katie.
Hey, I've forgotten to give everybody albums.
Katie, do you want an album?
Oh, yes, please.
Which would you prefer, The Darkness, The Soundtrack to Stoned, Embrace, Teenage Kicks or The Kooks?
The what?
The kooks.
Well done.
That's going to be... Well, I've never heard of the kooks.
Has anyone heard of the kooks?
You just said them.
Yes, they're hot and they're new.
All right.
OK.
Well, you're getting the kooks.
Thanks very much for calling, Katie.
Thank you.
Nick.
Hello, Nick.
Hey, how's it going?
Very well.
How are you doing?
Good.
Thanks for holding on.
Merry Christmas and all that.
Merry Christmas to you too.
Yeah.
Where are you, Nick?
I'm in the O2 centre doing some last minute shopping.
That is very last minute.
Is Santa there?
Uh, you think he's making himself scared?
Is he?
Is he?
He's probably in his grotto doing grotty things.
Adam, help me speak.
He's probably in the Santa Center.
The Santa Center?
Uh, so Nick, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you're gonna vote for Star Wars.
I am gonna vote for Star Wars, yes.
I knew it!
Have you ever heard this song before, Nick?
I vaguely, as a very young child, I think I heard it.
Really?
And you know it's C3PO and R2D2 singing about Christmas?
Yes.
Wow, well you're a very clever man and well done voting for it.
Which album do you want?
Teenage Kick, Stoned, Embrace or The Darkness?
The Darkness album, please.
What are you playing at?
He loves The Rock.
Do you really love The Darkness?
Have you heard it?
Well, I thought they were officially over.
Oh, well, you know.
I thought the government had announced that no one was interested anymore.
Well, don't listen to the government.
Well, you're quite right, Tony Blair.
Exactly.
George Bush's poodle.
Thanks very much, George Bush's poodle.
Thanks, Nick.
Thanks for making your call, Nick.
Happy Christmas.
So it's 2-1 to Star Wars.
Man, I need another post.
You need those singing dogs.
Come on, the singing dogs.
Listen to me.
Simon, are you there?
Hello.
Hi, Adam and Joe.
Hello.
Hey, Simon, thanks for hanging on everything.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Yeah, Merry Christmas Eve to you.
So listen, before we announce what your... Have you got the dogs lined up, Adam?
Yeah, boy.
Shouldn't you tease the dog so he knows what... Otherwise it's just going to go to Star Wars.
No.
Lyders saying no.
Don't tease the dogs.
OK.
We're not going to tease the dogs in case you change your mind, Simon.
What do you want?
Yeah, no.
It's got to be Star Wars, mate.
It's got to be C-3PO and R-3D2.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you a big Star Wars fan?
Definitely.
You know what?
I think one of my New Year's resolutions is to just give up Star Wars.
Oh, wait.
I've just realised I've been beaten.
Oh, 3-0.
Yeah.
You see I was so complacent I was I knew I was gonna win it didn't even mean anything to me who can you know dogs versus?
Robots robots will win every time Simon.
Thanks very much for your call.
Thank you very much.
Happy Christmas album Do you want Teenage Kicks stoned or embrace?
Oh, it's not the stones.
It's stoned.
Well, it's kind of stones relate.
Yes the film about the stones
Oh, yeah, go on then.
Yeah, yeah, go on.
That's brilliant.
It's brilliant.
You can have it.
There we go.
Thanks a lot for calling.
So there we go.
Yes, Simon.
Happy Christmas.
What a great Christmas present for me, Joe Cornish, and a lump of coal for Adam Buxton.
Yeah, well.
And his singing dogs.
Why did you bring that in?
Who would expect singing dogs?
Can we just hear a bit of the singing dogs?
Yeah, come on.
Let's have a quick listen.
You know what?
I'm pretty embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed that I brought that in.
You should do better than that, Adam Buxton.
That's a slur on your reputation.
But as we said before, those are genuine dogs.
They're not sample dogs.
Yeah, but they have been sampled, Adam.
It was made in the 50s.
Yeah.
So this is C-3PO and R2-D2 singing Christmas in Star Wars, released in 1978.
Christmas in the stars, Christmas in the stars, what a merry Christmas this will be.
Christmas in the stars, out among the stars, lighting up a Christmas tree.
Come on everybody, let's sing.
Go on, how could you ask a question like that?
Of course I'm getting ready for Christmas!
It's all right here on my list!
I've got mistletoe and potty, I've got peppermints and lollipops, and twenty different kinds of chocolate bars.
Everyone will be delighted, even I am quite excited, getting ready for Christmas in the stars.
Yes, Otto, of course it's terrific.
When there's more, everyone will have a cookie.
I bought extra for the cookie.
I just hope that everybody can be here.
If we all have marked the date, and if none of them is late, we'll have our greatest of Christmases this year!
Two moons above us, we'll see them grow!
As we go slurring in the evening on a blue and frozen sky!
Why is that droid floating?
Because you!
We're not ready by Christmas, as the laws will be dubious.
I agree, R2.
We had better help them.
Oh, perhaps Chewie can help, too.
Watch out, Carmine!
Before, you are under the cool tone!
Christmas in the stars, Christmas in the stars What a merry Christmas this will be Christmas in the stars, up among the stars What a merry, merry Christmas A merry, merry Christmas this will be
Christmas indeed.
What is that?
That, my silly friend, is the sound of bells.
There we go, that was C3PO and R2D2 singing Christmas in the Stars from the 1978 record Star Wars Christmas or something like that.
Isn't that strange and hilarious?
Yeah.
And I sincerely hope that you are going to swear off comedy Star Wars stuff in 2006.
That can be your New Year's resolution.
It will make it so.
I will make it so.
OK.
Excellent.
Well, listen, Joe Cornish, thank you very much for all your gift.
It's been an amazing Christmas Eve.
Hey, thanks for yours, Adam.
But thanks most of all to our listeners, everyone who's listened all year.
Or if you've just listened to this show, probably won't be listening again.
But it's been lovely to have you.
And hey, a very Merry Christmas to everybody.
Yeah, exactly.
And a happy new year.
We'll see you in 2006.
See you next year.
Bye!